Dummy heads. Yes...you are seeing what you think you are seeing. And it's in my living room.My tiny auxilliary tree has been defaced with one of the things that terrifies me the most...a ventriloquist dummy head.
My family...both immediate and extended...know how much these things wig me out. For years. Hate them. I can hardly stand to look at them.
Yet, Johnny (my little brother from another mother) apparently has spent months looking for a dummy for me as a Christmas gift. He, my dad and stepmother, Brigette, were coming up for the day today, and as of yesterday a.m., he was coming up empty. But then fate threw him a bone -- or better put, a head.
He walked into an estate sale, and there it was. This lovely dismembered head. That he gleefully purchased. And lovingly wrapped up in fabulous holiday gift wrap. And brought to my house, cluing in my dad and Brigette on his twisted little surprise.
We spent all day together, lunching, bowling, shopping and enjoying lovely holiday desserts -- not a single mention of it from any of them. Not a word. We come home and exchange gifts. He urges me to open mine first. I'm thinking, sure...as he and my stepsister, Jen, always have purchased great things for me over the years...cool Lush Bubble Bars, cocktail accessories, you name it. The little box looked like a good thing to start with, so I open it. And peer in...and see the most terrifyingly ghoulish grin in the world peering maliciously at me from around the tissue paper lining the box.
I'll confess. I screamed. Like a little girl. And threw the box in the air. It seriously might have won the $100,000 prize on America's Funniest Videos if Johnny had the foresight to record me on his iPhone. Evan immediately seized it, stuck it in my face and made it talk. I found myself hovering in a state of hysteria, half laughing, half crying. These things seriously freak me out.
Then, Scott decided it would make the perfect tree topper. Thus, I am forced to look at it for the next three weeks until the decorations come down. Rumor has it, we're going to get him a Santa hat.
Thank goodness it's Christmas Ale season. That's all I can say.
4 comments:
that is so wonderfully perfect, in every way :-)
I seriously did hurl the box in total surprise and then sorta started laughing/crying. Hideous. Truly hideous. I had no friggin' clue. I should have known...I'm too trusting. Too trusting. He will get his one of these days. Oh yes...when he least expects it.
And yes, it is still on the little tree...with a light inside its empty skull. Taunting me.
It was the exact reaction I was looking for! The scream was perfect. I certainly wish it was on tape! ;)
Eat the candy! Eat the candy!
Unpleasant dreams!
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